


Agony【苦しみ】

by SimpleAuthor (simplengowtor)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Flashbacks, Hospitals, M/M, Multi, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:54:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27185488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplengowtor/pseuds/SimpleAuthor
Summary: "Don't let him visit me anymore, Yaku-san." The silver haired male spoke out."What? He'll be worried with that!""If he see me anymore, I'll break him."
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma, Akaashi Keiji/Tsukishima Kei, Haiba Lev/Tsukishima Kei, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Tsukishima Kei, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 46





	Agony【苦しみ】

**Author's Note:**

  * For [uesakahatsue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/uesakahatsue/gifts).



> This is my first time writing a story here, please bear in mind that I am not a professional, errors might be present as we go along.
> 
> I made this for a whole duration of 2 days and I hope you enjoy.

↺ _Haiba Lev x Tsukishima Kei_

☾.

「 あなたの笑顔を思い出したいです。」

Smell of alcohol. Antiseptic. Hospital. It means trouble. It means _tears_.

Tsukishima poured out the old water inside the vase on the sink, changing it with new one. He sighed deeply, looking back at Lev who laid there peacefully. His eyes fixated on an empty and lonely white ceiling.

He shook his head, continuing what he was doing, trying to erase any lingering thoughts on his mind. "Thinking right now won't do me any good." He muttered.

The blonde walked back to where his lover is, placing the vase back carefully. "Tsukki, are you going home?" Lev ask, his tired emerald pools begged the boy to stay.

He closed his eyes tight, inhaling amounts of air before he opened them again, sitting down on the stool beside the bed. "I'll stay for a couple more hours."

Lev's dried lips curved up, smiling at him. He was happy that at least he could see Tsukishima beside him, holding his hand, feeling the warmth of his calloused hand on his palm, either cold or warm. He needed their skin touching. Though his fingers are shaking, he grasp tightly on Kei's cold ones slightly damp from washing the vase.

"Tsukki..."

"Hmmm?"

Exhaustion evident not only on his voice but together with his face. His yellow locks are not neatly combed anymore, the dark circles under his eyes are very visible and he was a lot more skinnier.

Lev reached for his face, touching his cheeks with his knuckles. "Are you sleepy?"

Kei caught his hand, squeezing them gently before he rub them on his cheek closing his eyes to savor the touch of the other. "Mmm not really."

"But your eyes tell other wise. How about you go home now and get some sleep?"

"But you were the one who was whining a second ago."

Haiba pressed his lips together, looking up at the ceiling once again. He couldn't argue with that. Without his boyfriend by his side, he could feel the loneliness slowly eating him up. Anxiety grows wild and he could feel his illness over coming him.

And that, he doesn't want.

The silver haired boy closed his eyes, controlling his emotion. He shouldn't feel this way about his condition, he should be strong, more so because the salty boy, Tsukishima is by his side, taking care of him in the best possible way.

A gentle touch made his lips curved up, Tsukishima's touch on his forehead is lighter than a feather, brushing his silver locks away from his face. Drawing circle on his cheeks, or pinching his nose slightly. He wanted this, this moment.

Tsukishima likes to see Lev smile, he always had been in love with the way that Lev shows his teeth when he grins. That's why it is so painful for him to see his boyfriend, sick and inactive, laying on his bed weak and fragile.

But what is more painful for him is that Lev still has this smile on his innocent face, though he knows how much Lev is suffering. How much tears he had shed and regret he had felt while staring on his ceiling. His agony are too much to bear, even for Tsukishima.

As Lev drift to sleep, the glasses boy fixed his blanket before he dropped a light kiss on his forehead, scanning him one last time before he go home to have some rest.

When Tsukishima arrived home, he was exhausted. The day was exhausting. No one knows how much he tried to not let his tears fall, how much he tried not to frown and how much he tried to keep his sanity while he watch Lev suffer inside the hospital.

It's so hard to keep his emotion under control. But what can he do? He's the only person who can provide support for his boyfriend. He shouldn't let go, he wouldn't.

His knees fell on the floor with a light thud. He quickly covered his eyes with his palm, his teeth digging onto his bottom lips, he somehow tasted blood, but his sobs still escaped his lips as he cried in pure darkness, weeping as he asked for Lev's safety.

After an hour or so, he stood up, his knees slightly shaking. He went to drink water but when he passed by a broken mirror, he saw how swollen his eyes are. It was red and just... _awful_. He looked pitiful.

Tsukishima ruffled his hair with a sigh, taking his clothes off that smelled like hospital before tossing it to the laundry. He went inside the shower, not minding whether the water is too hot, or is it too cold. He didn't mind, or has he gone numb?

With water trickling down his face, his temple, his chest and down his long legs, it was still noticable how a lone tears had escaped his swollen eyes again. He remembered how the doctor patted him in the shoulder...

_"Tsukishima Kei-san, you should just probably... this is just my opinion but you should just probably leave his condition up to fate. You're still young, you should use this time to do what you want. A young lad like you should find someone to marry and not get stuck inside the hospital, taking care of someone who doesn't—"_

His forehead creased, grabbing the shampoo bottle near him and throwing it hard against the tiled floor. He breathed out, massaging his temple. _'Kei, stop. Relax.'_ He whispered.

His temper is not bad. He had turned into such monster after Lev was admitted to the hospital because of his heart complication which gotten worse because he plays volley ball despite his weakened heart.

He brushed his blonde hair up, turning the shower off before tying the blanket on his waist. Running towards the bedroom, he rummage through his closet, slipping in a pair of decent clothes before taking a glance at his bed, inviting him to dive in.

But no.

Tsukishima rushed back outside, getting inside his car and driving back to the hospital. Again, greeted by the smell of antiseptic which his nose was already familiar with, he run to Lev's room but quickly halted his step when he heard another voice inside.

"Mr. Haiba," The doctor started, he cleared his throat, fixing the sleeves of his lab coat. "This is hard for me to say since I am, myself, is a doctor."

"Its okay, say it."

"You are dying, sir." He averted his gaze, a little bit sensitive on how he opened the topic to his patient. He bet he was shocked, but when he looked back up at the boy again, he was smiling wide at him.

"Thank you for telling me. So, until when am I gonna last? When am I gonna die?"

His heart pounded so hard against his chest, he felt like throwing up, even his tears are building on his eyes. Its burning, its so painful.

"Until next week."

"That's plenty."

Tsukishima slapped a hand on his mouth, tears poured wildly down onto his cheeks. He pressed his back tightly on the wall, providing support on his wobly knees. A silent sob escaped pass through his wounded lips as the door opened.

"Tsukishima-san," The doctor exclaimed breathless, closing the door behind him.

"Is that true?" Was all Tsukishima managed to say, his tears drying off.

"That's what the result says. I am so sorry for you loss—"

The middle blocker's last piece of patience snapped as his hand instinctively grab harshly on the doctor's collar, pulling him closer so their faces few centimeters away.

"Save your pity somewhere else. If he dies, its your loss. An incompetent doctor like you..." His lips quiver, his fingers shook wildly and even the soft fabric felt so painful on his skin. "A doctor who can't even save his patient can't say that he is sorry."

His hand fall down on his side, lifeless.

"I really am sorry."

Young. The doctor was young, though he was a bit older than the couple, but with the young age, he felt where the two was coming. One was fighting, one has long accepted his fate... but wanted to fight.

He sighed looking back at Tsukishima who entered the room of agony. He wished happiness even if it's just the blonde.

"Baby," Kei started as he slid open the door. His eyes caught on Lev's shining one. "How are you?"

The question was indeed a blade slicing on his own throat. He had long wiped his dried tears but when he had a look on Lev's tired, yet smiling figure, he can feel it burn again.

"I am fine, Tsukki."

Lev is not fine. And he no longer will be. The doctor already mark his death, the remaining pages of his calendar had already been ripped apart.

The blonde made his way beside his lover, immediately cupping his cheeks, planting soft kiss on his forehead. "Tell me where it hurts, I'll heal it, hmm?"

His voice was breaking. Lev can vividly see the sparks on Tsukishima's falling tears, he couldn't help it anymore. He felt his heart bursting open.

"It doesn't hurt, Tsukki. It doesn't." Lev's thumb graze his cheeks, wiping away the tears of suffering. "Why are you crying?"

"I am not."

He brought his finger on his lips, tasting his lover's tears. Salty. "Haha, did you forgot to eat your daily dose of salt?" Lev chose to act blind, pretend he didn't see Tsukishima's pained expression. He wanted to forget about it...

Because he knew he was the reason why he is like this and he hated it even more.

"Do you think I'll forget that you called me baby?" Lev teased Tsukishima, poking him on the side throwing mocking smirks at him. "So am I the baby now?"

The blonde can only roll his eyes. "Shut up and sleep, Lev." _But wake up._

"Come on, don't be salty, Tsukki~"

"I told you, am not."

"Yes, yes sir. You are not." Lev shook his head disapprovingly while Tsukishima proceeded on peeling an apple on the side table.

His eyes fixated on the poor fruit. His mind playing what he heard a moment ago, like it's on repeat.

 _Only a week._ _A week...and Lev,_ he looked up at Lev who's watching him silently, _and Lev will left him._

"How is the museum doing?" The silver haired guy suddenly spoke, snatching the bread knife out of his hands worried that Tsukishima might slice himself.

"Museum?" He snapped back, totally unaware of what the topic is. His mind was floating just a moment ago and he can't seem to take back his focus.

"You started working on one right?"

"Oh," It struck him. "Yes."

"Tired? Did you even sleep?" Lev's slender fingers grabbed Kei's shaking hand, caging it with his.

Tsukki's golden orbs dropped down to their digits intertwined, "I... I did."

"Sure?"

"Yes..."

His visit was over. And his qualms wasn't over yet when his phone vibrated against his pocket, creating a soft light as he walk through the dim hospital hallway.

Pulling out his phone, Tsukishima quickly checked the newly arrived message which was from Kenma, someone who never crossed his mind that would sent him a message. Either way, he opened it.

 **Kouzume Kenma-san:** _Busy? Why not drop by at my house? Tetsurou speaking._

He prepared to type a message but later on he decided to just go there directly even with the question of, _'What's his problem?'_ or _'Doesn't he have a phone of his own so why use Kouzume-san's?'_

Gladly, he was able to catch up to the last bus rounding off to Kuroo's place. He sighed, pulling his hoodie down to cover his palms.

Suddenly, a memory had hit him, way back when he first started to look at Lev at the different light. It started 2 years ago, Christmas, sometime after he graduated college.

The memory was vivid, fresh as it is, Kei can still feel the soft and cold drops of snow on his hot palms as he catch each flakes.  
  
  


 _It was their reunion party, Daichi and Kuroo who both agreed to celebrate their very first reunion on the same cafe bar but Tsukishima was only forced to come because of his persistent childhood friend who is about to get married after a few years with their manager,_ _Hitoka_ _._

 _After his few shots he went out, even though the air is cold that makes his breath visible he wanted to stay outside, he doesn't want to be suffocated while Kuroo ask him random question about his_ _blockings_ _. He doesn't wanna hear it, or those nosy type of question about how his love life doing._

_They should mind their own business, he thought._

_He sat down on an empty bench, dusting away the snow off the seat before fluffing on it. He pulled his coat closer, trying to gain much heat or else he'll freeze to death. He should've just stayed home..._

_"_ _Tsukki_ _~ what are you doing here alone?" As his eyes were about to close, that familiar voice woke him up, meeting that sets of emerald eyes shining amidst the dark starless night._

 _"Lev? Don't mind me, what about you?"_ _Tsukishima's_ _shoulder was already covered in snow and this didn't slip out of Lev's cat like eyes._

_"I was late, I mistook seven pm as nine." The silver haired guy answered, before he took off the first layer of his coat and handing it over to the blonde. "Its freezing, wear this."_

_Kei's_ _eyes scanned the cloth Lev was offering him. He furrowed his brows, standing up with his arms tucked on his armpits. "Let's just go in—"_

 _Before he could turn his back, Lev pulled him back, draping his own coat on_ _Tsukishima's_ _shoulder, "Salty." He grinned before he walked towards the cafe bar._

 _Tsukishima's_ _forehead knitted, a nerve popping on the side of his temple, clicking his tongue before he followed the taller male inside, "Tsk."_

_That whole night, he was only sitting alone in a corner together with a cup of tea, watching Kuroo and the others get drunk and get wild on the dance floor. He rolled his eyes but found its way to Lev, who was laughing at the bar counter._

_Soft blue lights from the counter bathed half of his face, emphasizing his endearing profile. The grin on his thin lips made the glasses boy suppress a smile, he shook his head, tasting his tea for the first time._

_As Tsukishima tried to look again at Lev, their eyes meet, locking with each other. It stayed like that for a while, no one dare to look away, neither does felt the need too. But_ _Tsukishima's_ _heart suddenly pounded... it was so random, he was startled._

_But not the tint of blush on his face when Lev's lips curved up._

_That night was unforgettable because that is the very first time Tsukishima felt his heart beat for anyone, or rather he didn't expect it to beat for_ _Haiba_ _Lev... to someone he didn't meet for the last 7 years._

_Other than that, it was the start of their story._   
  
  


_When the morning came, Lev sent a friend request to him but rather than friendship, the little cat boy desired other relationship with him._

Quickly, Tsukishima stood up when he reached his bus stop. His head feel light. He wanted to head home and sleep or go back to Lev and hold his hand, but he knows it will only make him over think.

"Tsukki~" Bokuto's voice made his ears ache a little. For a while, he hadn't hear someone's voice as loud as his.

"Kuroo-san, what do you need from me?" He asked straight faced when Kuroo came in to the room, his hair down, slightly damp and on his hands a bottle of beer straight out from the refrigerator.

"Ohh Tsukishima, sit down, sit down." Kuroo urged him to sat on the couch beside Bokuto, who's already trying to open one of the bottle.

"No need. I will be going home immediately."

"So stiff." Akaashi remarked appearing behind Kuroo, holding a tray of food. "Stay the night, we have a lot to talk about."

An audible sigh escaped his lips as he chose to stay.

"Kuroo-san..." The blonde said with a hint of warning when Kuroo handed him a glass of alcohol, Tsukishima doesn't drink. Yes, without any special ocassion.

"How cold. This is unfair, I can only see you drink when you're with Lev~" Kuroo pouted but then when he saw how Tsukishima's expression changed on the mention of his lover's name, he pursed his lips shut.

"Did something happen?" Akaashi approached him, pushing Bokuto aside so he'll be able to sit beside the young one. "Is something bothering you?"

Akaashi reminded Tsukishima of Sugawara, they acted the same whenever he is sad, but the later was quite busy this days and they didn't have time to meet up and talk about his worries.

His eyes dropped down on his quivering hands, tugging on each other on reflex. Akaashi held his hand, surrounding him with unfamiliar warmth.

"Its okay, you can tell me."

As if a trigger, his tears trickled down on his left eye making him blink and the moment he opened his eye, another tear had fallen on his right eye.

Keiji's kind arm wrapped around his shoulder, rubbing his sleeves up and down in hope to give him a bit of comfort. "Shh, its okay. You can cry."

On either side, Kuroo and Bokuto tried to hold their breath. They feared that if they let out a bit of noise, they'll interrupt the moment. Though its a bit different for Bokuto because his eyes are already drenched in tears.

Tsukishima crouched down, covering his whole face using both of his palms, sniffling. Akaashi stayed there, rubbing his back in circles as he shoo the other boys away.

Kenma was inside one of Kuroo's room and when he heard a faint sob coming from Tsukishima, he heaved a sigh before he tossed his PSP and went out to have a look.

"Kuro?" Kenma called out to him when he saw that Bokuto and Kuroo was on the kitchen, cooing at the corner. "What happened?"

Bokuto looked up at him and his face is a mess, "Tsu-chukki~ chukki ish cry—crying..." He managed to say.

The pudding head knew that somewhere down the road, the little salty crow will cry sooner or later, they all know how heavy the burden he is carrying.

Kenma went to where Akaashi and Tsukishima is, still on the same position but as each second pass by his faint sobs are turning to wail. His shoulder moving up and down.

"Tsukishima... calm down." Akaashi tapping him in the back signaling Kenma to go get some water when Tsukishima is already choking due to his cries.

Not long when he stopped sobbing, he wiped his tears, his eyes aching and had a burning sensation. It was swollen and barely recognizable. He cried the heavy load off of his chest but that was barely enough...

Crying won't extend Lev's life span. Crying won't help Lev to get better. Crying is pointless but at this point... what can he do aside to cry?

"Are you fine to talk now?" The taller setter asked, as he place down the box of tissue at his side.

The middle blocker nodded, slightly out of focus but he can talk. Slight remnants of sobbing escaping pass his lips but it was over now, he knew he can cry no more.

"Tell me what happened. I've noticed that all you do is go in and out of the hospital. I've checked with Yamaguchi that you are not going to work? Is that true?"

He bit his lips. All that he had stated is true. But that's not the issue. He doesn't care about his social life right now, the issue is...

"I've heard from the doctor. Lev is..." He couldn't bring himself to open his mouth and say it. "Dying." But he had no other choice.

That was their _painful_ truth.  
  
  


 _"Cats..." Lev murmured while his defined arms wrapped tightly on_ _Tsukishima's_ _waist, his face buried on his neck. It felt ticklish at the same time warm._

_"What did you say?"_

_"I said, cats don't like me." The taller male replied, dropping a light kiss on his neck._

_"You're not likeable, and they sensed that." A rude remark made by Tsukishima. "Why do you even want to be liked by cats? You want a pet cat?"_

_Lev shook his head, his silver locks slightly grazed_ _Tsukishima's_ _nape sending a volt of shiver on his spine, "That's not it. I just wanna hold one with my own hands and pat down its fur like this..."_

 _His long fingers stroke down_ _Tsukishima's_ _soft unruly hair, ruffling it between his fingers. "I really like your hair,_ _Tsukki_ _." Lev buried his face once again on_ _Kei's_ _neck, his hand snaking back on his waist._

_"It smells good, like candy. It's so soft like a girl's and... I like the color. It's so you."_   
  


"Dying?" Kenma's voice broke, dropping the empty glass he was holding, breaking on the floor. "Are you... are you telling the truth?"

"Kenma he wouldn't lie about this, would he?" Keiji pulled him to sit beside him.

Although Kenma knew the situation, he also knew that, this news is quite... a shock.

Lev was a lively boy, not one of them had an image of him on their mind as fragile as a twig. They didn't even notice his failing heart.

"A tissue." Akaashi offered to Kenma when he noticed a drop of tears on his red cheeks.

"I'm going home, Akaashi-san." Tsukishima didn't wait for their response, he picked up his belongings and went straight out of Kuroo's house.

His visions started to get blurry again, luckily he was able to hail a cab even though the night is at its peak. He can feel his eyelids going to burst if he cry another round, and he doubt that he'll be able to sleep tonight.  
  
  


* * *

Tsukishima woke up when a light tap of cold water touched his bare skin. He shivered as he got up on his feet. He fell asleep on the empty bath tub with only his pants on.

The blonde approached the bathroom's vanity, turning on the faucet to wash his tear stained face. He breathed heavily, pinching his cheeks, confirming if what happened yesterday was just a dream.

 _But_...

The tightness on his chest didn't disappear. It was so real, it is so painful.

After his quick shower, he dress up grabbing his car's key and driving back to the hospital. He can't wait to see Lev again, touch his face and hug him. Feel his presence again or else his sanity will slowly crumble.

"Baby..." He called out again at Lev, sitting on his bed now has an oxygen attached on his nose. His breathing almost halted when he saw Lev smiled weakly at him.

"Tsukki." With no energy, Lev raised a hand waving at him.

Tsukishima bit the inside of his cheeks. His lover looks like a rose slowly withering. He forced a smile before he went to his side, cupping his cheeks before landing a kiss on his lips.

Lev's hand wrapped around Tsukishima's own, coating it with his faint warmth. Tsukishima opened his mouth, letting Lev's tongue slipped inside.

He controlled his emotion even with his heart racing painfully inside his chest, it hurts... it hurts so much he wants to shout.

Probably next week... he wouldn't be able to kiss Lev like this anymore...

His knees felt weak as he stopped the kiss, brushing Lev's silver locks away from his innocent face. "I'm going to the bathroom."

Haiba nodded letting go off his hand.

When the door closed behind his back, he slide down, butt hitting the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. He covered his face as his tears fall down.

Fuck.

The sadness is swallowing him. He can't do it anymore. The sight of him is just too painful, and when they touch all Tsukishima can think about is _'what about the next day?'_

He bit on his finger, trying not a single sound come out of his mouth or else he'll worry Lev.

After a while, five minutes or so, he fixed his eyes though the redness of his eyelids and his nose remained. He went out of the bathroom as if he didn't have an emotional breakdown.

Lev, hearing the door creaked open looked at his lover, getting out of the bathroom. He quickly noticed how his eyes got red, his eyelash slightly moist and he can see the dried tears on his eyes yet he can't open his mouth to say a word...

Instead he forced a smile and offered his arms wide open for another hug.

"What is that?" The glasses boy grimaced, sitting down on the stool beside the bed.

"I thought you're gonna hug me." The giant cat pouted, folding his arm on his chest.

A chuckle vibrated on Tsukishima's throat as he place a hand on Lev's cold lap covered by his white hospital blanket. He is looking at him like a snow about to melt down.

His love like water right in front of him but he can't even grasp, flowing freely not towards him... but away.

"I will stay here beside you, Lev, until visiting hours are over."  
  


_New years. It was new year when Tsukishima and Lev admitted that they are both in love with each other._

_The sun was already setting and Tsukishima just got out of his volleyball training when his phone rang, he hastily got it out of his pocket hoping it was Lev who called him._

_Its been a while since they started hanging out, although his attitude towards the boy didn't change, he was still salty though both of them new that they hold significant value with each other._

_"Yes?" A taint of blush is visible on his cheeks with a little orange tint on the back of his head, lighting his image by the sunset. His phone pressed tightly on his ear, wanting to hear even the faintest of Lev's breath._

_"_ _Tsukki_ _... are you free today? Do you wanna go with me on your visit on the shrine?"_

_"How about the count down?"_

_"We can do that together too." Lev exclaimed excitedly. He was also looking forward to this. He restrained himself from seeing Tsukishima for the whole week because he know he was busy but today, he has an excuse to go and meet him._

_"Okay, I guess?" Tsukishima suppressed his lips curving up, but he was happy, excited for tomorrow._

_As soon as he arrived home, he searched his drawer, turning up every coat he had, he was focused on how to look good._

_The clock tick restlessly. The blonde's gaze boring at his wrist watch, his eyes red as if trying to make the time move faster._

_When the clock hit eleven thirty, he felt a heavy coat draped on his shoulder. Lev peeked at him, his palms touching_ _Tsukishima's_ _cheeks._

 _"Sorry_ _Tsukki_ _, did you wait long? I know it's cold."_

_Tsukishima moved to keep a distance, his cheeks burning. "No, you came at the right time."_

_The silver haired boy pushed his sleeves up revealing a section of his wrist where he's wearing his watch, "Oh... you're right."_

_"Hm." Tsukishima nodded, averting his gaze. This is the first time he didn't know what to say, he doesn't have any sarcastic remark at the moment._

_"Let's go?" His emerald pools urging the blonde to take his hands spread out neatly in front of him, some snow flakes had dropped on it, melting right away._

_He cleared his throat, "Do we need to... uh, hold hands?"_

_His eyes dropped to his own hand, turning it to a fist before bringing it back to his side. "Oh, sorry about that. Of course, you didn't want to hold hand with me, or with some guy."_

_Tsukishima's_ _heart squeezed, his airway tightening. He bit his lower lip and was about to turn away when Lev grabbed him by the nape and his lips slammed against the shorter one._

 _Though Lev's lips are chapped, it felt good against_ _Kei's_ _own cold lips. He felt the warmth spreading across his body, his knees felt weak but Lev's hand are already snaked around his waist, their chest pressed against each other._

_"Can you feel it?" Lev whispered on his ear, "Can you feel my heart pounding so fast and rough for you, Tsukishima Kei?"_

_"W-what are you doing?" He said, his voice croaked trying to push Lev away with his limp arm, no force on the way he push. His face is bright red almost illuminating the dark surrounding, snow quickly melting on his cheek._

_"_ _Tsukki_ _... I love you. I fell in love with you, not months ago... but way back on highschool."_

 _His time stopped, the cold breeze stopped blowing and even Lev's blink appeared on a slow motion in_ _Tsukishima's_ _vision. The thought hadn't sunk in yet._

_"What?"_

_"Uh, I just said I'm in love with you and that's how you react?"_

_"I'm... I'm sorry but does someone kiss before he confess?" Tsukishima managed to say before he fall down on the snow, his knees buried on its thickness when Lev let go of his waist._

_The silver haired boy kneeled down on his level, fixing his blonde locks before his cold hands slide down his cheeks. "What's your response?"_

_He averted his gaze, his cheeks is already burning how can he say more? "Then... do we go out?"_

_"Yes, yes!" Lev shouted, some other people looked their way, eyeing them suspiciously. "We shall date! I'll be the best boyfriend! I promise,_ _Tsukki_ _!"_

_"Really?" He prompted for Lev to say it again._

_"I fell in love with your smile,_ _Tsukki_ _. I will protect it no matter what."_ _Ahh_ _, music to his ears._  
  


Tsukishima opened his eyes when he felt a cold finger brushing the skin underneath his eyes, tracing something he was unaware of. When he looked up, he saw Lev smiling at him.

The soft amber lights bathed the hospital room, touching Lev's cheeks coating his silver hair with the sunset color. "Tsukki..."

Tsukishima blinked, moving his hand to hold Lev's. "Hm?"

"You don't have to come tomorrow."

Hearing this, Tsukishima sprung up slapping away Lev's hand. "What the hell are you saying?!" He spatted angrily.

Lev averted his gaze puffing his cheeks, "You should go to work, Tsukki."

"No," His voice was stern, "I won't go until you get better."

It made Lev's eyes close tightly, he massage his temple before he threw a look at Tsukishima. His eyes red and anyone can tell that he had lose some weight.

"I..." Lev started, his lips started to quiver and tears threatening to fall but, he can't cry. He can't when Tsukishima is suffering like this. "I will get better even if you're not always here, Tsukki. Take care of the museum, what if they fire you?"

As if a gun fired right through Kei's chest, his words sounds painful, bringing him back to his senses. The words he just spouted are like a little kid's tantrums. He had heard directly from the doctor that Lev has roughly a week left to survive but... here he is, saying something like that.

"Don't worry, Tsukki, Yaku-san said he'll visit me."

Yet the blonde didn't care about that or anyone who wants to visit Lev, he wants to be there, he doesn't even want to be away from him even for just a second... _No_.

_What if he suddenly vanish while I'm away?_

Tsukishima can feel that his sanity, his tight control on his emotion, slowly crumbling down to his foot.  
  


His room is dark, the only light is the light from Tsukishima's phone illuminating a section of his face. "4 days..." He murmured, "4 days more. And only that, fuck."  
  
  


Yaku came to visit Haiba first thing in the morning, he had heard the grave news from his friends that _Lev is dying_. He couldn't ignore it and quickly went back to Japan to check on him.

He wiped his tears before coming inside of Lev's room, weaker than before, still having a hard time breathing even with the oxygen mask on. The libero felt his hand turn cold as his foot stepped forward towards his friend's bed.

"Lev..."

The taller one opened his eyes, looking at Yaku. "Yaku-san, you came." He was breathless.

"I came..." He stopped when he felt his sobs about to escape his mouth. "Of course, I'll come."

He missed the guy and this is how he'll see him again? How cruel can faith be? How can his heart be alright after his friend, or more like Lev is someone who Yaku treated as his own brother, lying on his deathbed?

Painful. _So painful_.

"Yaku-san..." Lev extended his hand, tugging on the libero's sleeves and the latter leaned in, lending the middle blocker his ear. "Can I ask you for a favor?"

He nodded without second thought, "Hmm, what's that?"

"Don't..." He huffed, unable to talk straight, "Please, don't let Tsukishima visit me anymore."

"W-why? He'll be worried about that!"

Lev's emerald eyes glimmered as his tears fall down on his side, drenching his pillow. "He keeps crying everytime he see me. He'll lock himself in the bathroom... f-for three to five minutes, I-I know that he cries silently in there everytime. H-he's not even eating right anymore."

The silver haired boy managed to sit up with the help of Yaku, his tears continues to stream down, his chest moving up and down. "I don't want to see him like that anymore. He'll—I'll break him, if he did."

"Lev..."

"And I only have 4 days on my calendar. Will I die in front of him?"  
  
  


"Tsukishima," He quickly turned around, tucking his freezing hand inside the pocket of his jeans. "How's Lev?" The small tangerine asked.

"Why do you bother to ask?" He scuffed, walking again.

"Hey, why are you still like that?! I heard from Kuroo-san about his condition... and I—"

"You what?"

"I feel sad." Hinata answered directly, his eyes not meeting the taller one's.

"If that sadness can cure him, then you better continue being sad."

He proceeded on going to the museum, working until the sun set. Not even for a minute did Lev slipped Tsukishima's mind. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, lighting up the screen...

"Three days..."

The next morning, Tsukishima almost can't open his eyes. It hurts so much that even when the wind blew against it, he felt like it'll bled.

He couldn't hear anything as he walk towards Lev's room. He was about to push open the door when a hand caught his arm, pulling him back.

"Yaku-san?" He blew, looking down on the older boy. "Can I enter now?"

"Tsukishima... Don't visit him anymore." Morisuke's eyes are also red, he was crying last night at some point. If he's this sad and if Lev's words are painful for him... then its probably 10 folds a lot more depressing for Tsukishima.

"And who are you to tell me that?"

"Please?" Yaku's hand quiver as he held tightly on Tsukishima's arm.

He squinted his eyes, "Let go of me. I don't have to listen to you—"

"Lev only has 2 days! Two days and he'll be gone! Please... Don't hurt yourself anymore than this!" Yaku's voice broke as he pull the middle blocker away from Lev's room.

"Then should I hurt Lev? If I don't visit him... he'll be lonely. I'm not stupid to leave him when I know he's hurting more than I do. I know he don't cry but he's keeping it all to himself. Even if he's like that... I know that he doesn't want to disappear. He's lonely right now, Yaku-san and I don't wanna leave him! I wanna hold his hand and I won't let go!"

Words has left Yaku's throat. He was frozen still at his words. Lev is _lonely_ , no one can deny that fact. Death is upon him and he can still think about somebody else's sake, because that's the kind of person Tsukishima's boyfriend is.

Lev heard the door opened, his heart pounded heavily when he recognize the light footstep always sounds like its in a rush. He knew right away that it's Tsukishima and when his cold finger tips rub his cheeks he confirmed it was him.

The room was dark but when Lev opened his eyes he can see Tsukki's tears like it's glowing, some even dropped on his cheeks. "Don't leave me, Lev."  
  
  


 _Tsukishima's_ _hand are intertwined with Lev's one, he's wondering how his boyfriend managed to make his fingers a lot longer than his. This is how they spend their random days._

_"Why did you fall for me, Tsukishima?" Lev asked making his lover cringe._

_"Don't ask about that, so stupid."_

_"Eh~ but its important! I told you already that I love you because of your smile, it's unfair if you keep your reason away from me!" Lev pouted, resting his chin on top of_ _Tsukishima's_ _head._

_The blonde rolled his eyes, "You're so childish. Fine, I'll tell you."_   
  
  


"You shouldn't have come, Tsukki."

"Why are you pushing me away?" Tsukishima's voice was hoarse, his knees fall down on the cold floor, grabbing Lev's hand and pressing it on his forehead. "I'll always be right here so why?"

"Because it hurts."

"Yeah, I know..."

"You don't know, Tsukishima. You don't know how much it hurt to see you cry because of me. It's all because of me." Lev sobbed, surprising Tsukishima. "I bet you don't remember but you said it before, _'I don't want to see you slowly wither Lev.'_ But here I am, dying."

Tsukishima's sobs eventually got louder, noise undescribable. "I'm so sorry...I'm sorry!"

"See?" His voice broke down, sobs. "This is what I'm talking about, Tsukki. You... you don't cry very often and when you cry, its because of me." His hand move to touch Tsukishima's drenched cheeks.

"At first I was so proud that only I can make you cry but..." Their tears glimmered despite the absence of light, "But now, I regret making you shed this much tears. So please... Don't look at me anymore, Kei."  
  


_"Yes, tell me!"_

_The blonde rolled his eyes before he leaned his cheek on Lev's head, his skin touching the silver locks. "I like your smile, too but I love everything about you."_

_"Eh? Isn't that illegal?"_

_"What's illegal? It took me everything to say that and you'll just gonna—ugh! Get off me."_

_Lev chuckled, pulling Tsukishima back on his arm, "Then, how about you tell me what you hate about me?"_

_"Stop it, Lev." He warned, getting uncomfortable being constantly asked about this and that. "I'm gonna get mad."_

_"Hmm, how about I buy you a strawberry short cake if you answer me?"_

_The blonde puffed his cheeks, how can he even refuse such a good offer?_

_"I don't know if this counts as something I hate about you but," He turned to face the boy, cupping his cheeks, "You're like a rose on top of my palms and never will I want to see you wither."_   
  


Tsukishima's knee was throbbing against the cold floor, he couldn't even feel his leg. "It's not your fault, baby. Please, don't think like that..."

"Well, it is." Lev shout-whispered, his breathing much more audible than his voice. "It is, Kei. And I feel like I'm wasting you—"

"You don't have the right to say who's wasting me—"

"—then who has?!" Lev coughed, making Tsukishima jerk up to rub the taller boy's back. "It's my fault. If I just told you immediately that I have a weak heart, we wouldn't be in this situation. You wouldn't be in this situation."

"Don't talk about that, Lev."

"Oh, come to think of it," Lev's voice was full of sarcasm, hitting Tsukishima on different angles. "I regret asking you out that day—"

"Shut up, will you shut up—"

"Because that day, new years, was the same day I figured out my heart is failing... but I didn't take medication because it's annoying. And you'll notice it, I didn't want to worry you and because of that selfish desire... I'm pulling you into agony. I shouldn't have dated you."

"Say that again and I'll slap you!" Tsukishima's heart felt like it's thorned. His dying boyfriend is telling him that he regret ever going out with him, is there something more painful than this?

The silver haired boy dropped his gaze, removing his oxygen mask, "Kei, it's okay to slap me. It's my fault. It's all mine."

Kei closed his eyes shut, he feel like he's about to faint. He couldn't take it anymore, he felt like... Lev will actually leave. He felt like Lev is... going somewhere far and had no intention of making him come. No invitation or whatever and this made him feel incredibly sad.

"I'm going home, baby... Just rest." He leaned in and pulled back the mask on Lev's nose before dropping a feathery kiss on Lev's forehead, wrapping a hand on his neck and nuzzled his nose on it, breathing his warmth.

He didn't want to let go, but Lev was slipping away and Tsukishima needs to regain his grasp.

One day left.

_Will that be enough?_   
  


"What do you mean he's not on his house?!" The bed head guy shouted at the man on the other side of the phone line. He ruffled his hair before slapping a hand on his quivering lips, he's getting anxious as he tapped his foot lightly on the floor.

"I'm so sorry, Kuroo-san but I also tried looking inside and he really is isn't here." Yamaguchi answered, closing the door at his back. He just checked Tsukishima's house but he wasn't home and he also wasn't on the museum so where could he go?

A while back, Tsukishima had send a short message to Kuroo that he'll just stay home for the day and take a rest... even though today is Lev's _last_.

"Shit Yamaguchi, try checking again." Kuroo pulled put his jacket and wore it before running out of the house jumping on to his mounting bike.

He knew something is not right because it is not likely for Tsukishima to lie like this, not when Lev is on his dying hours.

"Eh—K-Kuroo... san." Yamaguchi's shoulder fall, he wasn't the only one who's worried about Tsukishima. All of them, even Kageyama and Hinata who knows nothing are getting overly conscious about the two. Sleep was out of the question.  
  
  


On the other side, Tsukishima looked at the garbage bin outside his house. The cat he was following leads him back here, he was overly concentrated on catching the stray silver haired cat for it reminded him of someone.

_Lev._

' _He wanted to pet a cat, but he can't._ '

The glasses boy took a step but the cat noticed it and started running off again so did Tsukishima. They kept at it, 1 hours? No, two?

Surprisingly, even with his shirt drenched in sweats, he didn't mind. Even if he felt his thighs about to split open, he didn't mind. He wanted... he desired to catch the cat and give it to Lev.

Kuroo drove pass the limit, he's worried. He had this strange thoughts that maybe... just maybe Tsukishima got himself in to some kind of troublesome trouble.

The captain's hair was pushed back, revealing both of his eyes but when these eyes caught a certain something he quickly stopped and turned... but he saw nothing.

He thought he had seen Tsukishima lying on the ground with blood on his head but guess he was mistaken. There's no such boy on the street.  
  
  


Wobbly, blurry.

The way he walks mimicked that off a drunkard but he managed to hold a resisting cat on his shaking arms. His head is throbbing like crazy and he can feel thick hot liquid draping from his temple.

When he entered the hospital, the nurse around him stiffened, quickly approaching him offering some help but Tsukishima didn't know what kind of help he needed at that time...

Is it mentally? Emotionally? Or physically?

He didn't know, all he knew is that his clock is ticking and as it ticks... Lev runs out of breath.

It makes him sick. He wanted to throw out, feeling his guts twist and turn.

He pushed pass by these nurses, running like a madman up the stairs because the elevator is loaded.

Once he was in front of Lev's door, he felt lonely again, hugging the cat on his chest though it left scratches on his arm or his chest, nothing will be much more painful than what is about to happen.

He opened the door and saw Lev, his profile facing Tsukishima, his hand neatly on his lap with a faint smile on his pale lips.

"Baby..." Tsukishima quickly kneeled at his side, picking up his limp hands and placing it on his cheeks. He placed the violent cat—now quiet on the side of the bed, letting it sit down. "I'm— I'm here now. Open your eyes..."

He began to sniffle when all Lev do was squeeze his hand. He returned the squeeze but Lev was now too weak to respond to that again. "A-Are you still there, baby?"

"Hmm." Lev huffed.

"I... I brought you a cat."

"A.. a c-ca-at?"

"Yes." Tsukishima wiped his tears before he placed Lev's hand on top of his head, smoothing down his blonde hair. "S-see?"

"But its your hair, Tsukki."

The tears he had wiped was once again falling down, "How do you even know?"

"Will you... you believe if I say t-that I memorized all—all your touches and e-even—t-the sound you make when you walk?"

"Stay with me, Lev."

"You know I'd like to, if I can." Tsukishima had a muffle cries as he bit his lower lip, choking on every sob. "But I can't now. And I regret it so much... I'm-I'm sorry."

"Then can I stay here?"

"But... You'll see me wither."

"I know."

"Y-you didn't want that."

Tsukishima wrapped his arm around Lev, his ear on his chest, he can hear Lev's heart beat... slowing down... almost inaudible. "I don't want you alone." He sobbed.

"You... Do you know why— why I asked you to not come anymore?" He shook his head, he can feel the cat brushing against his arm. "Because if I'm going to leave..." He stopped, sucking in his breath.

"Hm."

"I wanted to remember your smiling face." Lev moved his hand, running it on Tsukishima's soft hair. "But I made you cry... so—so hard."

Tsukishima wanted to speak but his head was spinning like crazy, more of those thick liquid flowing on his temple...

"T-Tsukki... are you bleeding?" Lev forced his eyes open and he saw that indeed, Tsukishima is bleeding and even the cat had a stain of his blood.

Tsukishima stood up and pressed a palm on his temple, feeling his wound.

 _Oh right_ , now he remembered... He was hit by a running car before he got here. It was a hit and run but Tsukishima didn't have time to check himself or he wasn't in the right mind to try and feel anymore pain. Physically.

"D-Don't leave... Lev." He leaned in once again, intertwining his fingers with his lover's, his sobbing was a lot more intense right now.

"I— I can't bre-breath anymore."

Like there's a small machine inside of Tsukishima's brain he heard a loud beeping sound, he can see an invisible straight line on top of Lev's head... as his eyes started to close.

No. No, Lev. No!

He wanted to call for some help, call a fucking doctor but he couldn't open his mouth to shout, all he could do was held tight on the cold hand of his lover...

But he's dead. Lev left... with a tear on his eyes.

That's the sight Tsukishima had before he lost consciousness...  
  
  


The wind blew harsh yet cold on Yaku's skin. He looked down on his foot where Lev's lonely tomb stone stood.

"Are you wondering how Tsukishima is doing?" Yaku asked before he kneeled and traced down the beautifully carved characters on the marble stone.

"Tsukishima is in his bed... resting. Brain dead."

And they don't think Tsukishima ever plan on waking up. Not without a reason to open his eyes.

Kuroo approached Yaku from behind, standing tall. "Only if Tsukishima had his prince."  
  
  


❝I have loved you, even after my last breath.❞  
  
  


⟲end.


End file.
